Be Still My Heart
by Jyrotika
Summary: The darkness and pain of one's past is swallowing him whole. Can he find a way out? Oneshot unless receives reviews, no pairings.


Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I claim to own any of the GWing characters. However, I DO own all of the poetry in here. And this specific plotline too. The poetry's just tidbits of stuff I wrote that I was able to piece together for this.

Warning: This fic is a bit violent, has no swearing, no official pairing(some implied ?shonen-ai, but you can consider it friendship), and I dare you to guess whothe characters arebefore you reach the last line.

Also Warning: This is NOT a comedy fic like my other, this is my first GWing fic, second fic ever, and its tragedy/angst(I think that's what you'd consider it...). Please comment, and feel free to criticize, but please don't flame because it would crush my writing little heart. ;-;

Note: I know I should quit typing up here, but just bear with me... I know it has the same title as an E.R. episode. That's because some of the poetry in here(just one poem, but all the lines to it are in here) was inspired by that episode. Or at least by the sad theme of it.

/Hello/ part of a poem that says "Hello"

'Hello' someone thinking "Hello"

The "00"s are just me separating different texts... They would normally be where a different paragraph started, but with all the times I double-spaced, I needed something more noticable.

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/Be still my heart/

He was in the dark place, the place where the people don't shine and the darkness surrounds you but you can see everything all the same.

/Escape from life, leave it all behind/

He saw it happening, he felt it, he bled from it- the rush of life overwhelming him and the darkness silencing him, keeping him alive.

/O darkened heart/

So much darkness that its very prescence- the prescense that saved him- would smother him within an instant and he would be trapped there.

/Take away my memory and everything I've known/

He didn't want to remember, all the pain, all the tears, all the dispair that was his and at the same time, was not.

/That I may feel no pain/

Everything hurt from the darkness and the memories- his head, his body, his very soul burned with the pain that scorches and can never be doused. Time can shrink the flames, but they are never gone. Only death can snuff them.

/Be still my heart/

His heart started to beat faster- he had to get out of here before the darkness swallowed him whole. If that happened, there would be no getting out of here, because there would be nowhere else but "here"- He would forever be stuck "here", with no way out.

/The trouble and the strife, remove it from your mind/

He tried to block the past from his memory, so that he could leave without being drawn back, but there were too many painful memories to block each entirely, and when not properly blocked, the memories could just crawl their way around the brick walls that were made to keep them away, and he would see them again.

/O saddened heart/

He understood why the darkness would not let him go- darkness gravitates toward darkness, and one evil will attract other evils to it, andthey all become stronger. The darkness in his heart was being pulled toward the darkness of this place, and it would take much more than some blocked memories to pull away from it.

/Let my spirit run free and let me be alone/

He pulled with all his might, trying to free himself from the dark place, but the pain wouldn't let him leave.

/So I forget the slain/

As he fought this wave of new pain and terrible, terrible hurt that spreads right down to your bones, he suddenly froze. A series of memories flashed through his mind, all ending in anguish and misery.

/Be still my heart/

He started to panic, yet found himself unable to move. He was suddenly out of the dark place, and looked around, trying to place his surroundings. He was in a bathroom where the people can shine... He was out of that nightmare of a world. The walls and everything else in the room were white, and there was a mirror above the sink. He glanced at the clock, which read 2:37 AM.

/Rushing through my veins, this ache will never stop/

'Something is wrong..', he thought. There was something somber, and deadly in the air- he could feel it. Suddenly, all the pain that came from the dark place came rushing back to his mind, and he realized that the pain never left.

/O bloody heart/

He started to see faces... Bloody faces of those who he had killed.. Burnt faces of those who had died fighting against him.. Mangled corpses of those to whom he had brought pain, and misery, and death.

/Hearts flow into the sea and sink below/

Suddenly, he felt the pain ebbing away. Not just the pain, but**all** feeling was floating out of his grasp. Every emotion he had ever felt left him- all except for one, indifference. At this point, he truly felt like he didn't care. Not at all. Not one bit.

/That tears may wash me clean/

He realized that there were tears running down his face, though he didn't remember starting to cry. He looked in the mirror, and he realized that his blue eyes were red from his tears.

/Be still my heart/

His heartbeat slowed as he felt a calm fall around him. The calm was dripping with an edge of relief and finality- peace would finally come, and would last forever.

/I'm drowning in the rain, without ever touching a drop/

He looked at his hands, and realized that there was a razor blade in one of them. He held it in front of his face, examining the edge. 'This will do just fine.', he thought. 'Wait..', his mind started veering into confusion,'This.. The face... It's... not.. me.. I..I don't want this.. These eyes.. They are not mine...'

/So I depart/

Even though he had no intent of dying, he found he had no control over this body from which he was looking out. He brought the blade to his arm as a final tear slipped down his cheek.

/Fallen hearts drowning in emotions that won't show/

He tried to snap himself out of it, but with no luck. He had no control. He started to feel a pain inside his head, one he had never experienced before. He realized he could feel.. everything. The pain from the past, all the misery he had caused, and everything that was being felt now because of him. 'Wait.. This.. This body is not my own.. I know.. I- I know those eyes!'

/Let life slip inbetween/

The razor was brought to his arm, and with one quick motion, slit it from the inside of his elbow to the lines on his wrist. 'No! Don't!', he yelled, but he was not heard. The same cut was repeated on the other arm, as blood flowed out of his veins and started to form a puddle on the white tiled floor.

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"QUATRE!", Trowa yelled, eyes shooting wide open in fear and sitting up in bed.

'.. It was only a nightmare...', he thought, glancing at the clock, which read 2:37 AM.


End file.
